Life is so much harder when you think negatively about everything. I've been so mean and mad lately... I've been a horrible person, and I know that. The good thing is that I KNOW the way I'm acting is wrong. I've been so down right rude to people who don't even deserve it... And I feel bad. I feel bad that my attitude is sort of taking over my life. It's not fair to everyone around me that has to deal with me on a daily basis... But I seriously can't help it. Like, I'M MAD!!!!!!!!! I'm mad about everything. I mad about my whole life. I wish I could think positive, but everytime I do, I'm right back where I started. I try everyday to smile the way I'm suppose to and laugh everything off... But then I'd be being fake. I don't feel like laughing and smiling, and taking everything as "no bi deal". It IS a big deal. I don't care if I "get mad about the smallest and dumbest stuff". If I'm mad then let me be mad! I can hide my sadness pretty well, but I can't hide my anger for anything in the world... When I'm mad, you can't tell me absolutely ANYTHING. It's just the way you have to let me be until I decide to go back to happy, jolly shayla. This is a problem though... And I know I need to make changes when it comes to the way I handle my anger, because I know I look WAY better when I smile.
I guess not everythings wrong in my life though... Wanna know something I am pretty happy about though? I'm a Varsity basketball and a JV football cheerleader at my high school! GOAL ACCOMPLISHED! I know what your thinking, "Ok... You just wrote a dumb blog about how you DIDN'T make the team".. Well... I didn't... But I did... I guess? They forgot to put me on the list basically. And all week I was getting texts, and emails, and papers sent to my class about cheer, and I'm over here like "What? This is a sick joke". And finally the coach emailed my mom and told her it was a mistake of hers for not putting me on the list! Isn't that something? Haha! I've been really excited. Like, It almost feels unreal. This is what I've been waiting for since I was like 12. Cheerleading put me at an ease that I'm sure all atheletes feel when the touch base on what feels like their second home. Might be the football feild, might be the court, might be the track, and it might be infront of a net. My second home? THE MATS. It's kind of the love of my life. Being a cheerleader takes HEART and endurance. "It's not a sport" is the worst thing we want to hear. We work just as hard as everyone else. It's not a sport, but there's WORLD champions out there doing it as a living and making big bucks? It's not a sport but it gives you abbs like runners? It's not a sport but you can get a gym credit for it? HA! I'm pretty sure it is ;) Cheerleading is my night and shining armor that rescues me from life when I need a break. It makes me happy. It forces me to SHUTUP AND THROW, even when I'm scared I won't land. It's sort of m everything... Yea. Glad I accomplished one of my 2012 goals.
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