Just Because Society Says

Societies not ugly because we're not all treated equal or everyone's going out & doing things within their morals, but because since children we've been made to believe that no one can be someone in life without a high GPA, an attractive face, or talent. But what if being what society calls "nobody" makes you feel happier than people who appear to be happy because society considers them a "somebody"?

A Lie Is A Lie And It Hurts

A lie is a lie and it hurts.
To be hurt is a feeling you only understand when you feel it for yourself.
We all say all we'd never lie to someone we love or care about. We say we'd never cheat or hurt the person that's cared about us the most. But we're all hypocrites to be honest. There's a part in all of us that's just a bad person. There's something inside us all that isn't quite "good". But you know what...? We all make mistakes. And if we didn't then we'd never be able to say, "I grew up".
But a lie is a lie and it hurts.
When you're young, the only kind of 'hurt' was scraping your knees on the sidewalk. Now 'hurt' hurts worse because we're starting to get imaginary knives stabbed in our backs by people we laugh with everyday... And somehow... That hurts so much worse than an open womb.
Because lie is a lie and it hurts.
A pattern of dominos falls when you brake someone's trust. First, they stop believing you, and then they start asking you a million questions all the time, and eventually they begin to question everything you do.
Sometimes we lie to keep someone around in our life. They make us so happy and care free that the thought of living without them after you've messed up is slightly unbearable. You hope in you're head that the story is enough to make them remain your everything.
But a lie is a lie and it hurts.
A million bridges are burned when you hurt someone. And not a thing in this world can build them back. You wish you could just erase the mistake and look them in the eyes and say, "Hey, I'm sorry". And even if you mean it, it's usually not enough. You have to explain yourself, and argue, and put up a fierce fight before they kiss your lips and say "I forgive you".
And that's only if you're lucky.
Sometimes the battle just isn't enough to keep them around.
I'm figuring that out the hard way. I'm learning that "I'm sorry" is just seven letters put together to link an emotion of emptiness and regret, and actions speak louder than words. I've stopped to realize that just because I've been hurt gives me no right to hurt someone who's been nothing but good to me.
Even if someone has hurt you over and over, there's nothing that can make them understand how bad they've hurt you. Therefore... They're not worth the explanation.
I'm learning that my mistakes can effect someone who never WANTED to loose me. I'm loosing the person that makes them happy, but they're loosing the person that also makes them happy. But they're letting you go because they respect themselves. And whatever you do... Respect that. Respect that they love themselves more than they love you, because they're the strong ones. They're the smart ones. They're the ones that value their time and love their life too much to spend it being hurt.
They're also the ones that have been hurt a million times.
Put aside your selfish pride to admit when you're wrong and apologize.
Put aside the fear of loosing someone, and the thought of feeling empty to let someone know you were wrong. Because if they find out another way then you've basically lied and after all...
A lie is a lie and it hurts.

THIS SUMMER.

This summer, dance a little more, laugh a little harder, tan until it hurts, drink because you're young, don't sleep until you're tired, pause the drama & don't press play until school starts, ride with your music loud, party... ALOT, do stupid things and wake up feeling perfectly fine about it, take too many pictures, ignore what people think, and live... Live hard as fuck.

So Soon.

Just let this sink in... One day you'll be at your last Friday night football game and prom. One day you'll be at your last game with your team. One day you'll be taking your last test and eating your last school lunch. One day you'll have your last fire drill and report card. One day you'll have your last young and wild saturday night with people you've made a million memories with. One day you'll be closing your locker and walking out of those four doors for the last time. One day you'll be standing in an alphabetical ordered line in a cap & gown with people who you watched grow up. People who watched you grow up. Some of those people you'll never see again or hear about. One day you'll forget about all the people you knew and you'll barely remember the memories until you find a picture that makes you think of one. One day you'll be packing up 18 years of your life into boxes and hugging your parents goodbye. It's sad... One day you won't be in high school anymore... And we're all ready to leave so soon.

I Can't Think Of A Title

A million little peices running through your brain & not one can find a match. Not one. It should be easy right? To start figuring out the answers. Not when you have information from different places streaming through different directions. Not when you're scared to trust someone else's word because you can't even trust your own. I wish everyone would just drop the knife & grab my hand instead of standing behind me. Half these people aren't who they say they are. Like prisoners cooking with a knife. How can trust them? If we were all who we say we are I wouldn't say I was me. I'd choose someone more beautiful on the inside like Oprah or something. Because there's more behind a pretty face than just a smile. My inside is ugly. My inside is hurt. My inside is shriveled and tired and ready to give everything my little heart has got. Who can you give a heart to that has no place to put it? No place to feel another beat in sequence with mine. Too bad sorry is just a word and doesn't fix your problems. Too bad sorry doesn't bring back the way things were. I can say it though. I can say it and mean it, but the person I had won't come back. The relationship with that person isn't garunteed to recoil into what once blossomed. You know those problems... The problems that god can't fix. The ones where all you can really ask from him is strength to get you through it. I never say sorry because if burns my throat to feel like I've lost. To feel like someone finally has the greater power over me. So when I say it... I mean it 100%. If only it could do more than just being heard.